After losing rock, paper, scissors to Mordecai, Rigby must go on a date with Eileen.
- Rigby (central character)
- Eileen (central character)
- French restaurant waiter
- Guests at the French restaurant
- Fatty Foods worker
- Priest (imagination sequence only)
- Churchgoers (imagination sequence only)
- The title is a reference to the 1981 film My Dinner with Andre.
- This fanfic is set anywhere between the season 2 and season 3 timeline (it was written in January 2012 when the third season was airing new episodes), as Rigby was still apprehensive about Eileen.
Mordecai: Yeah-yuh! Margaret and Eileen are here! Gonna hit on Eileen?
Rigby: Shut up! I don't even like her! She's such a pest!
Mordecai: What?! Eileen's actually pretty cool. I mean, you get extra coffee, grilled cheese sandwiches and she even made a cake in chocolate with your face for your birthday!
Rigby: But that's so creepy!
Mordecai: I wouldn't mind if Margaret did that.
(Mordecai imagines Margaret making a blueberry cake with his face on it.)
Margaret: Hey, Mordecai.
Mordecai: Uh..... hi, Margaret!
Eileen: Hey, Rigby!
(Margaret and Eileen are whispering to each other.)
Margaret: Gonna hit on him?
Eileen: I will. Don't worry. (stops whispering and gestures to Rigby) Uh..... Rigby, you don't have to do this, but.....uh.....can you go on a date with me?!
Rigby: Ewwwww! No!
Eileen: (wipes tear) It-it's all right. Excuse me, I have to powder up!
(Eileen runs away, crying in the bathroom.)
Margaret: Wow, Rigby! You're a jerk!
Mordecai: Yeah, I can't believe you! Oh wait, I can! You know what, let's play rock, paper, scissors. If you lose, you have to go on a date with Eileen.
Rigby: Rock, paper, scissors!
(Mordecai and Rigby play Rock, paper, scissors, with Rigby losing.)
Mordecai: Go ahead, Casanova! Apologize and go on a date.
(Eileen is still in the ladies room.)
(The scene switches from Rigby to Eileen, with Rigby overhearing Eileen from the bathroom door.)
Eileen: He doesn't even notice me! I'm such a loser!
Rigby: Umm...., "Ellen"?
Rigby: I'm sorry. I'll go on a date with you.
Rigby: (slaps himself and speaks angrily) Yes!
(Eileen gasps and screams, and runs out of the ladies' room.)
Eileen: Do the rest of my shift, Margaret!
Margaret: No prob!
(Eileen then runs home.)
Mordecai: Enjoy your date! Haha!
Rigby: (sarcastic) Hilarious.
(The scene switches between Rigby, who is raking leaves with Mordecai, and Eileen, who is at home in her room, reflecting their feelings on the upcoming date.)
Rigby: I can't believe....
Eileen: I'm going on a date with........
(Eileen is staring at her shrine of Rigby.)
Eileen: Oh, Rigby, it's finally happening!
Rigby: I hate you! (punches Mordecai, which does nothing)
Mordecai: Dude, it's only a date! It's not like you're getting married!
(Rigby imagines he and Eileen are getting married at church.)
Priest: Do you take this raccoon to be your lawfully married husband?
Eileen: Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes!
Priest: And do you take this mole to be your lawfully married wife?
Rigby: I don't!
People at the Wedding reception: (gasp)
Rigby: I'm only twenty-three!
Eileen: Come on, "Riggy-wiggy"! You know you want to!
Rigby: Bleh! "Riggy-wiggy"!? I'm outta here!
Eileen: Wait! Did I tell you that fifteen year olds marry?
Rigby: No! I don't care!
(Rigby's imaginary story ends. Back to reality, Rigby shudders.)
Mordecai: Dude, stop overreacting!
Rigby: How would you know? You've never been on a date with a pest!
Mordecai: You're on your own with the date, dude!
Rigby: Some friend you are!
(A screen appears saying "That Night".)
(Rigby is on the couch relaxing before looking at his watch to check the time.)
Rigby: (sarcastic) Oh, great! It's eight.
(The doorbell is heard, and Rigby proceeds to open the door.)
Eileen: Uh...... hi, Rigby.
(Eileen is wearing a purple dress.)
Rigby: Whoa! Nice dress!
Eileen: (blushes) Thanks. I also got you a suit.
Eileen: Well, Rigby, you can't be in the nude where we're going.
Rigby: No! Never!
(Rigby tries to run away from Eileen on all fours.)
Eileen: That's what I like about you, Rigby! You're the thrill of the chase!
(Cut to Mordecai and Rigby's room.)
Rigby: Ugh! I hate wearing clothes! This suit sucks! It's making my butt itchy!
Eileen: Ah! Your one cheek butt!
Rigby: So, "Eleanor", where are we going?
Eileen: A French restaurant! France is the country of love!
Rigby: Ewwwww! I don't want to eat snails!
Eileen: (chuckling) Rigby, there are more choices for food. Like steak tartar!
Rigby: What's that?
Eileen: Raw meat!
(Rigby covers his mouth. He then runs to the bathroom.)
(Cut to the French restaurant.)
Eileen: Okay, Rigby, what do you want to eat?
Rigby: I don't know any of these foods! The only French food I know is french fries!
Eileen: Seriously, what do you want?
Rigby: What does fromage mean?
Eileen: Cheese or a cheese course.
Rigby: Oh, I'll have that!
Waiter: Bonjour, monsieur and madame. What will you be having tonight?
Eileen: I'll be having the steak tartar.
Rigby: And, fromage, I guess.
Waiter: Oh! Tres bien. Your order will be here soon enough.
Rigby: Umm...... blue cheese?! (pukes)
Waiter: (angrily) Hmm!
Eileen: (nervously chuckles)
(Rigby is using a fork to scratch his butt.)
Eileen: Eww! Rigby!
Rigby: Hey! I told you this suit's itchy!
Eileen: Well, please stop using your fork! It's disgusting!
Waiter: (clears throat loudly and purposely to express his distaste)
Rigby: I can't take this any more!
(Rigby rips off his suit.)
Rigby: Ah! That's much better! It's good to let the old junkmail breath once in a while!
(A person pukes in disgust.)
Eileen: (whispering) Rigby! As much as I like your junkmail, that was beyond disgusting!
Waiter: That's it! You two are grotesque! Au revoir!
(The waiter throws Rigby and Eileen out of the restaurant.)
Eileen: There goes our date.
Rigby: Don't worry, "Erica". I know a place.
(Cut to the Fatty Foods restaurant)
Eileen: Fatty Foods?
Rigby: Yeah! Burgers, fries, chicken. Mmm!
Eileen: But, Rigby, burgers are so artery clogging!
Eileen: So, you could have a myocardial infarction!
Eileen: Heart attack!
Rigby: Whatever! I'm hungry!
(Rigby and Eileen go inside the restaurant.)
Rigby: Hey, do you have any meatball subs?
Worker: No, we don't.
Rigby: That sucks! I guess we'll get the fatty burgers, fatty dip, fatty chicken, fatty soda.....
Eileen: (sighs, playing around with her food)
(Later, Rigby is eating his and Eileen's food.)
Rigby: Mm, these chicken fries are so good. Thanks for letting me have them, "Evelyn".
Eileen: (in a sad voice) Yeah, you're welcome.
Rigby: What's wrong, "Emma"?
Rigby: Okay. Wanna try the fatty fries?
Eileen: No thanks.
Rigby: (eating with his mouth open) So, anyway, the reason I'm here is because I lost rock, paper, scissors to Mordecai and had to go on this date. Funny story, huh?
Eileen: Wait, so... you didn't really want to go on a date with me?
Rigby: Yep. You okay, "Erin"?
Eileen: It's Eileen!
(Eileen runs away to the ladies' room, crying.)
(Rigby follows on all fours, and overhears what Eileen says through the bathroom door.)
Eileen: (crying) What was I thinking?! Rigby is such a jerk! Why do I even bother.... (cries more)
Rigby: Am I really a jerk?
(Rigby remembers the things he said earlier in the episode.)
Rigby: (thinking, with the words echoing) She's such a pest! Ewwwwww! No! Yes! I don't! Bleh! "Riggy-wiggy"?! No! I don't care! You've never been on a date with a pest!
(Rigby is in the present again.)
Rigby: Wow. I'm a total A. I better apologize. Uhh, Eileen?
Eileen: What?! Are you going to kill me!?
Rigby: Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Look, how about we re-do the date tomorrow, at the French restaurant?
Rigby: I'm positive.
(A screen appears saying "The Next Day".)
Rigby: This is pretty delicious! You know... I was wrong about you. You're not a pest, you're pretty... cool. (smiles)
Eileen: Oh, thanks Rigby! That's so sweet! (thinking) Rigby thinks I'm cool! I can't believe this is happening... in the good way!
(Romantic music plays as the episode ends.)
(A screen appears stating "The End".)